Feeling proud of my husband.

I am filled with pride for my husband. He is the strongest person I know and I feel like he can do anything. This time last year we were losing everything...we had to move out of our apartment since we could no longer afford our rent with Jeff being out of work. He had just been diagnosed with stage 3 colon cancer, he had his large intestine removed, and a surgery for an ileostomy meaning his small intestine was through his skin leading into an ostomy bag.

We just moved into Jeff's mother's house and I shared the twin size bed with Aedan and Jeff slept on the floor. We did this for 4 months, it was hard and now I look at it as 'strengthening' to our relationship. We eventually got on disability for Jeff and saved up and moved into our house. Yes, we bought a house 4 months after not being able to afford an apartment.

Aedan had his first Christmas in his own home because Jeff worked hard to get us there, he was our rock. Even while going though chemotherapy he made us feel stable. We now are expecting our third child. It makes me think of how much I needed Jeff over the last 4 years. He helped me through the death of our son Gabryel. He was willing to immediately start trying for Aedan, and now he is there for me with the new baby making me sick.

I guess I am there for him just as much as he is there for me. While he was going through chemotherapy I inspired him to get a hobby, then supported him while he learned the art of candy making. He is really good, and I know I bought him the first molds and recipe books. I reap the rewards of homemade caramels and chocolates while he kept his sanity through the fight of his life. Now we are thinking of serving those same types of homemade candies at the baby shower...and I feel proud of him being such a great candy maker.

I love him, and no matter how many times I tell him, nothing says it like my pride for him, and my willingness to stand by him through hard times.

If my 'online friends' were my 'real life friends'...

I feel like I have very few friends anymore. I used to have people calling me all the time asking me to go bowling or to a movie. Now? Not so much. Having a kid can make you the odd person out pretty quickly. Some of my friends from high school have kids, but most of them have 6-7 year olds, not exactly ideal for playdates. What 7 year old wants to play with a 1 year old?

I found myself in a crying fit yesterday watching a sad movie where the husband dies. I don't like watching things like that for one reason: My husband almost died...and we still deal with his mortality on a regular basis. SO due to that movie I got upset and cried, I ran to Facebook looking for comfort and the two people I ended up talking to are not really that close to me, in either way that can be taken.

One person was a girl I know from high school, I haven't seen her in person in a few years and she is pregnant with her first child. She and I are not CLOSE but we have more in common now than back then. The other person was my Husband's ex girlfriend. Ha. I still find that funny. We added each other on Facebook since Jeff and I both have friends that are exes. He is friends WITH MY exes lol. So she and I chatted and it made me feel better.

I began to wonder...Where are my local friends? I am starting to think I don't have many. There is my co-blogger from ITMB, she and I knew each other from high school. Then there are my sister in laws...does that count? From there? I have maybe one or two other girls I know well enough to call a friend and that is it. Sad.

So there is my thought for the day. Why can't my 'online friends' be my 'real life friends'?