Almost Aedan's birthday, and Remembering Gabryel.

Most people outside my family and friends don't know too much about Gabryel. He was our first son. I was 21 when I got pregnant with him, not yet married. Jeff and I were happy. We lost him at around 18 weeks. It was hard to know exactly when since it was a missed miscarriage. I just know it was between the 16 week check-up and the end of the 18th week.

 

I find myself thinking about Gabryel a lot lately. I miss him to say the least. I wonder what it would have been like to have both of my boys together. It has been over two years since we lost Gabryel and it seems to be just as hard as ever. I always thought things would get easier but now I see that I will always cry when I think of him, I will always be reminded of him, and I will always think of him when Aedan hits a milestone. Now we are coming up on Aedan's first birthday and what would have been the time of Gabryel's second birthday.

My boys' due dates were only a week apart. Gabryel's was March 20 and Aedan's was March 13. I found out I was pregnant with Gabryel on July 16, 2007 and Aedan on July 3, 2008. I had ultrasounds on very close dates and I hit the dreaded 18 weeks at about the same time. We found out we lost Gabryel on October 19, 2007 via ultrasound... he was 18 weeks. I found out Aedan's gender early since they originally had the appointment scheduled for October 20, my doctor understood that it would have been hard for me to get an ultrasound that day.

I delivered Gabryel at 12:36am on October 20, and that will forever be his "birth date" and I will never forget that date. I remember holding him for what seemed like forever and at the same time would never be long enough. Just knowing that when we let them take him away we would never hold him again. It was incredibly hard for Jeff and me to decide when to let him go... how can you say I have spent enough time holding him? I could have stayed there for an eternity.

The nurses came in and took some pictures for us... they measured him...and made footprints, and I counted his little toes over and over. I still bring out his pictures every now and then, just to see how tiny he was, to see his face, to let it all out.

We had to decide what to do for funeral arrangements. I couldn't bring myself to have a funeral service for him since my family could not come, it would be to hard to remember it that way. We called our distant family's funeral home and they offered to do a cremation for free, we chose to accept. They let us know that since he was so small there might not be any remains left for an urn, and that was hard to take. But with the chances of us moving I could not let him be buried in a cemetery we couldn't visit.

Six weeks after we had him cremated I got a call from the funeral home, his urn was finally in and ready for us to pick up. I never thought that I would ever have to go pick up my son's ashes...not at 21 years old. It was a mixture of disbelief, devastation, and happiness. I had an urn...a memento of my son. I have the urn out on display...for all to see. I put his pictures (all but one) away with his hospital blanket and our hospital bracelets and other items.

I wonder if he and Aedan would be alike in personality, or if they would look similar. I wonder if we would have stayed here in Missouri or left to go back to California. Things were different back then, but now I have to be happy that we had Aedan, we did not forget Gabryel by any means, and he can never be replaced. I love both of my sons.

Remembering the preggo days, a journey of tacky pj pants.

One year ago today I found out I would be induced in a weeks time.

9 Weeks

I was tiny! I was so thrilled to be preggo again. I wanted to have photographic evidence showing the flat belly.

32 weeks

Thats quite a jump, I have photos of the other weeks but I didn't feel like deciphering dates to figure out weeks. This is after my bellybutton went flat. I had already had my first bout with preterm labor at this point. I ended up on bed rest sometime in my second trimester.

33 weeks

Oh, Look! Stretch marks. I was about 55 pounds heavier at this point.

34 weeks

Ha HA HAAA! I was wearing Jeff's boxers! And that belly is ridiculously huge!

35 weeks

My bump changed shape there. Less pointy more "tall" I am not sure how to justify the bad pj shorts. 

36 weeks

BAM! Bigger belly. This is another shot of me in Jeff's boxers.

 (Can you see the fan there? It was February and I had a fan on. In Missouri. Hormones, Lol)

37 weeks

I sprained my shoulder getting out of bed sometime in the third trimester, and this was the week my OB said he would induce me because I could no longer take it. I was HUGE and I got stuck in the bath. I had a breakdown. Also, Jeff found out about the cancer around this time.

38 weeks

A day or so before I went into the hospital to be induced. 

Still 38 weeks.
At the hospital right before they broke my water. I was dilated to 3 when I got there thanks to all that pre-term labor.

AND

After 12 hours and an emergency C- Section 

Aedan Luther was born at 6:31 pm on March 5, 2009. 10 lbs and 22 inches.

I finally woke from anesthesia and met my little man at a little after 7:30pm.

I need a pen.

How many times do you frantically search for a pen? I used to all the time, but I learned my lesson. I bought a pack of pens and put one in every nook and cranny of my surroundings. There is one by the notepad, in the diaper bag, in my wallet, in the bathroom and even in my husband's coat. I despise not being able to write something down when I need to, I am forgetful enough WITH a note in front of my face.

When it came to picking out the pens I stood in the aisle and looked at the wall of writing utensils in front of me and I chose the Pilot G2. After trying them out I started to see a trend, no more scribbles in the corner of the paper, I didn't have to "prime" the pen to get it to write. Also, it has a comfy rubber grip. On top of all that it is a click top pen, so that means the tip retracts and doesn't leave a scribble on anything it touches in your purse or diaper bag.

The G2 is available in so many different options. It can be a regular, mini, limited or pro. It can be extra fine, fine or bold point. It comes in a variety of colors, in single or multi-packs. I go for the bold point black G2, I love it and I think you will too!

The Pilot G2 is my favorite pen AND I want you to try it! Just do a few simple things and I will reward a shiny new pen to someone, maybe more than one person depending on the number of comments. (These people will be randomly chosen.) One pen may not seem like much, but THIS pen is special, it is a GOOD PEN... not a bank pen with a crusty useless eraser, not a cheap that has been in your car for three years, a brand spankin' new pen with a snazzy rubber grip and a clicky top and who wouldn't want that?

Want a chance at winning a pen (it's a pretty good one since not many people know about it) just do this:

FIRST ENTRY Leave a note telling me where you would stash a pen.

SECOND ENTRY Tell me...your favorite color for a pen.

THIRD ENTRY Follow my blog!
FOURTH ENTRY Follow me on twitter! @moderndayverona


*I did receive products to review, however I was not compensated in any other manner. The opinions in this review are my own honest thoughts on the products.

Ends March 17

I Like...

I have quite a few friends that have kids younger than Aedan, and when we have game night it often turns into a product review. It starts out with someone asking if anyone has tried ______. Usually if someone has it becomes a Q&A session. How does it work? Did you like it? How did (child) take to it?

Here's what I recommend from when we started giving Aedan table food.

I love this! I am a little (lot) over protective and I was wary of giving Aedan fruits and "slippery" foods. I worried about him choking. My husband bought me a Fresh Food Feeder and Aedan was happily in a world of melon and banana. Every morning Jeff got to give Aedan a yummy snack without me hovering over him the whole time. I still watched him from a comfortable distance but I loved seeing him munch and mush his snacks thinking he was a big boy. 

Now my boy is almost a year and too big for the Fresh Food Feeder, but I still have the memory of the smiling baby with the strawberry juice on his face.

My Aedan.

I am so excited for Aedan's birthday, it is sad that he isn't a baby anymore, but he is MY baby. Less than two weeks, that is all that is left. I am taking advantage of his cuddly mood and letting him sleep with me. He has an ear infection so he needs a little comfort.

I printed out some blank letters to make a banner and he started to color them. He did 2 panels of it and just a few scribbles and marks on each one, but I am proud that the crayons only went in his mouth once and the only one that got broken was Jeff's fault.

He has started standing on his own and I know that means walking is right around the corner. I am excited and scared. He can already reach the buttons on the washer and dryer and has started a few loads that were already clean/dry. He is getting so so smart. He knows which button turns the tv off when Daddy is playing x-box.

I just wonder what is coming. This is a huge journey and it seems that the first year went by too fast.

Trying to get my supplies to listen to my head.

I have been thinking about earrings all day while taking care of Aedan. Unfortunately once I get him to bed and get around to working on them my ideas don't translate. I feel like maybe I don't have want I need to properly recreate my thoughts.

Oh, well. Here is my project from tonight.

My night.

I sat here making earrings tonight, it was fun. Now I wonder what to do with them? I don't wear jewelry, even my wedding rings.

Making time for an old hobby.

I used to do beading all the time. Now that I have Aedan I have a really hard time doing things I want to. So now I am posting pictures of my pretty jewelry.

I am going to sit down after Aedan goes to bed and do some beading. I have ideas of things I would like to try. I just need ideas of what to do with all the stuff that is already made from way back when and the things I am going to make now.

Lysol. My partner in clean.

So I recently noticed just how much Lysol my husband uses, then I noticed how much I use. We clean like mad! Ever since my husbands white cells dropped during chemotherapy we started using more antibacterial products in the house, and the most common one is Lysol wipes.

Jeff will go through the house wiping doorknobs, light switches, and even his X box controllers before and after we have company. He will put two containers in the cart when we go to get more, just so he has them in the house.

With Aedan being almost a year that is a good thing. You never realize what a kid will get into until after they do. Have you ever found your kid playing in the cat's dish? Yuck.

They are convenient and affordable and my husband loves them. (Why can't diamonds be the same?)

I feel like I need to say out loud that I am a Lysol-aholic and I am not ashamed.

Almost one.

There is just weeks left until my little man turns one. I just walked in to find my husband laughing because Aedan peed on the floor before he could get him into the bath. That was the first time he peed outside a diaper since he was about 3 months old. Then I get to thinking, what is to come?

Here are some pictures I took the other day.

Aedan watching Ellen with me and Jeff.

Jeff built a snowman with Aedan, and our nephews Davie and Sam.

My cousin's daughter, Jazmane.

Alonzo, my cousin's son, and my Godson.

Aedan and My cousin's daughter Izabela.

Playroom

It's time for a little Munchkin.

Let's talk about Munchkin. I have to admit I am addicted. This game is incredible.

One game night not so long ago my sister-in-law finally talked me and my husband into driving the half hour to their apartment. I had never been into any game that took more instruction that what you could pick up from a commercial. There sat the gamers, they had all played more games than I knew existed and it was a little unnerving. They started to persuade me into playing a game...."it will be easy, even you can do it, just try it."

I sat down and tried to listen to the rules. My brother-in-law set up the scenario: We are in a deep dark dungeon, we are looking for trouble and looking for treasure. We start the game and I LOVE IT. I am keeping up with the hardcore gamers and laughing so hard I can barely see my cards through the tears. I won my first game, I was hooked. We have been back every weekend for months! My recommendation for everyone is to try some Munchkin, you will like it.

How Does It Work?

Here's the rundown. The rules start out by saying "Munchkin is a tasteless parody game which brings you to the essence of the dungeon-crawling experience...without all that messy roleplaying!" I really couldn't put it better myself.

With the basic Munchkin pack you get 168 hilarious cards and a six sided die. There are two decks: the door deck and the treasure deck. You start out with two of each card. Simple. The door cards consist of monsters, classes, races, curses and ect. The treasure deck consists of GUAL (go up a level) cards, weapons, and weapon enhancers and monster enhancers.

Each turn you open a door (by drawing a door card) and see if you encounter a monster or get a curse. If you draw something other than a monster or curse you can look for trouble and draw another door. If you get a monster kill it and take it's treasure, if you can't kill it bad stuff will happen. Don't believe me? It says so on the card.

Level 1 Crabs. Cannot be outrun. Bad Stuff: Discard the armor and all items worn below the waist.

Not that bad? What if your best item happens to be the Pantyhose Of Giant Strength? With +3 bonus that might just make or break your next battle.

It might sound confusing but once you see a game in action you realize the only hard part is taking the ridicule from your friends when you get you have a sex change and have a chicken on your head.

You really want to play? Try it out, then go out and get an expansion or seven. I recommend De-Ranged, how else will you get to be a Gnome Ranger?

Check out Munchkin online at http://www.worldofmunchkin.com/game/

Parties. (and update)

Jeff's birthday party was yesterday and it was AWESOME. we had a ton of people show up, and while the guys played xbox the girls watched the kids and had massive amounts of girl talk. After a while the guys watched the kids WHILE playing xbox so the girls could go play a few games. We played Last Night On Earth and Munchkin . It was fun until Aedan wanted to go home and the guys were too into their game to want to leave so it got tense. I ended up talking Jeff into leaving about 4am. We took Ryan and Mike home and then didn't get back to our house until 5am. I was tired, but Aedan decided he only wanted to sleep until 8am. Since Jeff was the one who wanted to stay out late he was the one to get up early and I slept until noon. (I had the craziest dream about the Jonas brothers, which is funny because I don't know much about them, just what I see when the tv is on disney channel.)



Jeff's mom and step dad drove out to get his sister so we could have a combined birthday dinner for him and her. It was nice to see them since we no longer live with them. Once we got back from dinner I started thinking about Aedan's birthday party since the big day is less than a month away. I know we have 10 kids for build a bear on his actual birthday 3/5 at the time he was born 6:30pm. It is nice that all 10 I invited are RSVP'd already. BUT the big struggle comes with his party at our house the following Sunday. Jeff's mom only has Sundays off work so I made a special party for the people we didn't invite to build a bear (for cost reasons) and just looking at the list of people that could come makes me want to cry. All of my friends have kids, so I actually hope most of them don't RSVP or show up. The most likely people to show up makes a list of about 12 adults and 21 kids. I have 4 nieces and 3 nephews, my best friends all have at least 2 kids. It is nuts. I ordered the decorations and party supplies tonight and they should be here Friday, so I can pick up favors right before the party when I get the cake.



I can't believe Aedan is almost a year old, it is just crazy how fast time flies. We have had a lot of fun in his first year so I can't imagine what the rest of his life is going to be like.

Jeff is going to call his surgeon back tomorrow and schedule the consult, so before long we will know the actual surgery date so we can say bye bye ostomy. My man is cancer free (we got the scan result back) and we are going to hear from the genetic counselor soon so we will know if his genetic mutation can be identified. Once we know that we can take down all the info so Aedan can be tested later. The Doctor recommends waiting until Aedan is about 16 before doing the testing on him since the science will be improved and more accurate by then. Also at this time there isn't much they could do about it if he did have the mutation, they would have to wait to see if he ever formed the cancer at all. It is hard to think about now.


I have had a lot on my mind but I am sick of typing so I will go play my spiffy new nintendo DSi now.