If it feels like nobody understands, maybe they don't.

I am dealing with a lot right now, and I feel like people don't "get" it. I spend every waking moment busy as all get out...I do so much in a day it would make your head spin.

I get up at 7:00 am with my son, change him and feed him, get him settled so I can eat and clean the kitchen. I then do a sweep of the living room, pick up all the toys and vacuum. I check all of my online things and then pick up our bedroom...laundry sorted into baskets and make the beds. I do research on colon cancer and ostomy equipment for my husband...take a peek at the ostomy forum message board and then take care of the cats. (litter, food, water, brushing) When I have a minute I watch a tv show or work on baby quilts now that I have a sewing machine...and then make dinner, clean up dishes and get things ready for Aedan's bedtime. Usually he goes to bed at 9:00 or 9:30 pm and we go shortly after, we hardly ever stay up past 10:30 pm.

and that is just a normal day, things get more hectic when Jeff has chemo...

We have to get up two and a half hours before we have to be in West County. I feed and change the baby, pack the diaper bag and a cooler bag with snacks and beverages for us. Pack up anything I can do there, like balance the checkbook, fill out paperwork, do the bills. Get dressed and get breakfast for me and Jeff, we have to leave and hour and fifteen minutes before his blood work is scheduled just in case there is traffic...there usually is. We get there do blood work and then see the oncologist, she does a quick exam of Jeff and they talk about his side effects for the last treatment. Chemo starts and lasts 2-3 hours. There might be a wait for a chair...so we can be there as long as 6 hours total. While I am there I try to get my tasks done while keeping Jeff busy...not easy he is like a little kid fidgeting in his chair. We leave for home and then make dinner and clean up, then get Aedan ready for bed and then get us into bed.

It takes a lot out of us and yet I get friends and family that think we are blowing them off for no reason when we want to take a day to relax or do something fun. I am 23 and Jeff is 27... don't you think we deserve to have a little fun with our son? Is cancer supposed to control our lives? I think if someone could really see what a day in our life is like they would understand...but I don't want anyone to have to deal with what we are. No one should have to deal with this. Cancer is hard and it takes a lot out of you, and your family. Things are tense and we are lucky we can talk about things the way we do. It can tear a marriage apart, but you have to stay strong and not let anything destroy your life.

We are going to beat this, I say "we" becaue I am as much a part of this as Jeff. I am here for him 100% and I will find a way to keep us going. When he needs me I am here.

I just hope that people will see that the reasons we are stressed are SERIOUS and sometimes we need some time to relax. If we do something you don't understand, try thinking about it from our point of view. Wouldn't you do the same?

After Jeff's surgery he donated his colon to the research facility. His view on it was this: what if his body held the answer? what if doing that lead to a cure down the road?

We are trying to get this under control before our son is old enough to feel the sadness. Right now he takes trips with us to the cancer center, he plays with the nurses and is the center of attention wherever we go. We hope to have good news and have Jeff in remission before Aedan would know what cancer is so that he can have a normal childhood and have a healthy Daddy.

My greatest fear is that we would lose this fight, but we can't let the fear get us down. Medicine has come a long way and we will get through this. We will stay strong. We will stay together. I hope that anyone going through something life changing has all the luck in the world...because I know you need it as much as we do.